Fighting is a natural part of a relationship. The longer you’ve been with someone, the easier it is to feel annoyed by his or her idiosyncrasies or encounter obstacles together that increase your stress levels. Some arguments are minor and you can move past the issue together with relative simplicity. Other fights, however, can be devastating. When matters get heated and the equilibrium of your relationship is thrown into a blender, understanding the healthiest ways to recover can be vital. Follow these habits for recovering after a difficult fight and discover how to get back on the right track for your future together.

Find an End to the Matter

The trouble with a particularly explosive fight is the situation might unfold without a concrete resolution. When emotions are high, it is common for couples to shout and storm off and never address the initial issue in a direct way. Before you can move on, you need to bring the matter to an end. What you want to avoid, of course, is falling into the same trap and having the exact same fight again. Allow cooler heads to prevail. Don’t rush right back into the conversation, or you might pick up exactly where you left off.

Taking time to yourself after a difficult fight is a great recovering technique to help you calm down and consider the issue from a less invested position. Try to avoid unhealthy coping mechanisms during this period. While venting to a friend about the fight is a good way to get some outside perspective, ripping apart your partner to a friend is less productive. Use the time to look at your own faults in the fight, rather than simply focusing on how you were hurt or what your partner did wrong. 

Avoid Punishments

When a person feels slighted by a romantic partner, retaliation is common. While you might feel an intense urge to punish your partner after a fight, this is an easy way to drag matters out. People make mistakes, and there are consequences to those errors. When you are hurt as the result of someone else’s actions, it is natural to want to lash out and continue that pain in the person who hurt you. But by doing this, unfortunately, you will be establishing and perpetuating a very unhealthy habit of dealing with relationship troubles. 

If your partner wrongs you, it is important to address the matter together. When you work as a team to handle a problem, you are tackling the cause of the issue. Punishing your partner based on your emotional response to a fight, conversely, is treating the symptoms and prolonging the problem. After a fight, collect your thoughts and emotions and approach the situation from a level playing field. When you’re on even ground while working on a resolution, it is easier to work matters out.

Accept Being Right Doesn’t Matter

More often than not, couples fight because one person doesn’t know how to back down. Statistics about relationships suggest a huge number of people have a strong desire to “win” a fight or be “right” on a topic. If this resonates with you, then you need to shift your perspective on the importance of winning. Being the one who wins an argument comes with a hollow victory when it costs you the relationship. When you’ve gone through a big fight with your partner and are working on a resolution, you absolutely need to drop the “I was right” act.

The longer you’re with your partner, the more fights you’re likely to get into. While there’s nothing wrong with fighting in a relationship, you absolutely need to learn to handle these encounters in a healthy way. By taking a moment to collect yourself, you’ll be able to find a resolution that works best for the future of your relationship.